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Parallel Parenting Vs. Co-Parenting In Arizona

In Arizona, when two parents split up, courts prefer to split child custody equally unless there is a valid reason against it. And when two parents are equally responsible for the child they share together, they will often implement similar rules and routines in their households to keep the child’s lifestyle consistent. But splits aren’t always amicable, and sometimes one or both parents can’t maintain healthy communication in a co-parenting situation. If so, the parents may instead try out a strategy known as parallel parenting. Parallel parenting can be more difficult than it sounds, and might be utilized due to a high-conflict relationship between the parents. Don’t forego a family law attorney because you and your ex have agreed to parallel parenting. Our firm makes the process of retaining a skilled Arizona child custody lawyer easy with free consultations by phone and competitive hourly rates and retainer fees. Schedule your free consultation with My AZ Lawyers today by calling 480-470-1504.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

With divorce as common as it is, most of us have heard of co-parenting, but parallel parenting might be a new term. Co-parenting requires a great deal of cooperation that some former partners don’t have the relationship to support. Parallel parenting is a strategy designed to keep contact between the parents to a minimum. While parallel parenting doesn’t require too much cooperation with each other, it does require strict compliance with the parenting plan.

Parallel parenting is more than parents just avoiding contact to every extent possible. Parallel parenting households typically don’t make the same efforts to enforce the same rules and schedules at each household like co-parents do. And while co-parents might feel comfortable coming to the same recitals, birthday parties, and other events in the child’s life, parallel parents will typically divvy up these events so they don’t run into each other and get into conflict. While some may see co-parenting as preferable for the child’s mental state, parallel parenting is preferable to fights and arguments that may otherwise be unavoidable for high-conflict parents.

Custody Exchanges in Parallel Parenting Situations

If two parents are utilizing parallel parenting to avoid communicating with each other, it can make custody exchanges, or child pick-ups and drop-offs, more complicated. One way for the parents to avoid contact during custody exchanges is by scheduling them to be when the child needs to be picked up from school, sports practice, etc. So if Monday is with Mom and Tuesday is with Dad, Mom can drop the child off at school on Tuesday, and Dad can pick the child up from school and drop them off the next day, and so on. This requires careful scheduling and adherence to that schedule.

There are apps that can help parents communicate emergencies and other relevant information without direct contact. Some of them even allow family law judges to review communications if problems arise. But in more contentious situations, the parents may want to implement supervised custody exchanges. Here, the parents hire a neutral third party to host and supervise the custody exchange. This can reduce the risk of conflict and provide a witness for disputes, but the costs of supervised custody exchanges add up quickly over time. The court may order supervised custody exchanges in extreme situations, such as when domestic violence is a factor, but otherwise supervised custody exchange could provide temporary relief during more heated times. The parents can specify that exchanges should occur curbside or at a public space when they are ready to remove the third-party supervisor.

Strategies to Make Parallel Parenting Work

Parallel parenting may be a more feasible solution to custody issues than co-parenting, but that doesn’t mean that it will necessarily come easily. There are some tried and true methods for reducing conflict when some form of a relationship is necessary due to a child in common. Which are the most effective will vary from situation to situation. Some of the strategies our clients use to make parallel parenting plans work include:

Remember BIFF: Sometimes, even in a parallel parenting situation, some communication is necessary for the child’s well-being. Practicing BIFF can help parents continue practicing parallel parenting. In the context of parallel parenting, this stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. So when your ex does need to be told about something regarding your child, keep it short and only about the topic at hand. Friendly doesn’t have to mean compliments and well-wishes, but keep the tone neutral and avoid accusations and insults. Firm means to establish boundaries without compromising on what is in your child’s best interests.
Try an odds and evens plan: When envisioning strategies to know which parent gets which day, there are limited options that don’t become confusing quickly. Odds and evens is one of the simplest ways to divide up events like the child’s sporting events or medical appointments without requiring communication between the parents. If an event falls on an even day, one parent attends, and if it’s on an odd day, the other parent attends.
Week on, week off: Week on, week off is like the same suggests- one parent has 100% of the child’s time and events one week, and the next week the other parent has the child’s time and events. Some parents find this schedule easier than odds and evens because of the extended time with the child.
Try a rule against lateness: In hostile parenting situations, one or both parents may purposely show up late to custody exchanges to get under the other parent’s skin. But this type of behavior will have the same detrimental effect on the child. Some parents will implement a 15-minute forfeiture rule for custody exchanges, so if one parent is more than 15 minutes late, they forfeit their time with the child.
Create a backup plan for emergencies: Children are prone to accidents, so the best planning can’t completely avoid some contact in emergency situations. So for example, if your sibling is your child’s emergency contact on your parenting days, the other parent should be aware in case something happens and they need to know where their child is.
Send the child back in the same clothes and with everything they came with: In parallel parenting situations, forgetting important items like uniforms or medications might not be resolved with a simple text message. One parent might even accuse the other of purposely stealing an expensive item, like an iPad. You might want to take an inventory of what the child has upon their arrival so you can use it as a checklist when they leave.
Support Your Parallel Parenting Goals By Retaining Arizona’s Choice For Skillful & Affordable Family Law Representation

Any type of parenting plan works best when the parents are represented by proficient family law counsel who know how to avoid and resolve conflicts. Parallel parenting helps parents avoid forms of control after a breakup and conflicts that can cause a child distress. Set yourself up for success in an Arizona parallel parenting plan with experienced family law representation for your household’s needs. Get started today with your free consultation by phone with My AZ Lawyers call 480-470-1504.