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How Breadcrumbing Puts You At A Disadvantage In Divorce

Have you ever felt like you were fed up with a relationship, just for that person to give you a shred of attention that’s enough to reel you back in? If so, you’ve probably experienced a phenomenon known as “breadcrumbing.” While it might not be as dangerous as other forms of abuse and psychological manipulation, it can still make the recipient feel a variety of negative emotions. If someone is susceptible to breadcrumbing, they may be put at a steep disadvantage should they ever get divorced from their spouse or have a custody dispute with their child’s other parent.

Read on to learn more about breadcrumbing to determine if this tactic is being used against you. To review it with an experienced lawyer in the context of Arizona family law, contact our firm for your free consultation. Our dedicated divorce and custody attorneys know just how sensitive these matters can be. For family law lawyers, it can be just as important to be an understanding and compassionate listener as it is to bring a pit-bull mentality to the courtroom. To schedule your free consultation with a member of My AZ Lawyers, call 480-470-1504.

Divorce negotiation with legal documents, symbolizing the impact of breadcrumbing in marital disputes

What Is Breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing is “a behavior in which one person sends intermittent and often vague messages to keep another person interested or engaged, without any intention of fully committing or entering into a relationship.” While the term is used most often when discussing dating, it can apply to a variety of romantic and non-romantic relationships. Think of the popular boy in school who may occasionally be nice to the nerd so he’ll let him copy his homework, or the boss who always hints at a promotion that never comes to their employee, if they only work a little harder. A romantic relationship can also start off healthy, and eventually devolve to where one or both partners utilize breadcrumbing. After a few kids, a wife may begin to only show affection when she wants her husband to complete a task, or a husband may only plan a date or buy flowers when he can tell he’s in trouble.

Breadcrumbing affects the recipient negatively in several ways. It can cause feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, anger, sadness, etc. It might be triggering for someone who has experienced a traumatic childhood or abusive relationship. Breadcrumbing can also prevent the recipient from moving on and finding someone who is actually interested in them.

Signs You Are Being Breadcrumbed

If you suspect that you or someone you love is being breadcrumbed in a relationship, there are some tell-tale signs that this method of manipulation is being utilized. Some of the warning flags for breadcrumbing include:

Communication will only ever be on the other person’s terms. Deep down, you probably already know that this person can’t be relied on in an emergency, or even just to comfort you on a bad day. They might not reply when you’re the first to reach out, or even respond after they have started a conversation. Most of their communication may be at night or via text, or primarily focus on physical intimacy.
This person might outwardly tell you they are not ready to be in a committed relationship with you. This could be because of work, family obligations, or simple emotional unavailability. But you will probably still find them on the dating apps, “looking for a long-term relationship.”
If you do ever get this person to agree to plans, they may be late or flake entirely. Any plans for a rain-check may be vague or non-committal. You won’t catch this person agreeing to be your wedding date in six months or possibly even your dinner date next week.
They might only use the lowest-effort forms of communication possible. While double-tapping a post to like it or sending a one-word text on an app meant for sending hidden messages only takes a second to complete, it can make the breadcrumbing target feel like they are making progress in their relationship.
This person might avoid any deeper-level discussions of feelings. Conversations are often kept at the surface level, and a breadcrumber may also put extra effort into keeping the conversation focused on the other person.

How Breadcrumbing Can Play Out In Divorce

Not everyone who gets divorced wants to. Arizona is a no-fault divorce state, and only one spouse needs to decide they want a divorce for it to eventually be granted, unless the spouses have entered a covenant marriage. Arizona is a community property state, so all assets and debts acquired during the marriage will be split evenly between them in divorce, unless they sign a consent decree agreeing to some other dissolution of their marital estate. Getting a spouse to agree to property division outside of community property laws could be where breadcrumbing comes into play.

A spouse who is used to manipulating their partner to get their way can be trusted to do the same during divorce. During the marriage, they may have utilized breadcrumbing to make sure the family always went to the vacation destination of their choosing, lived in a home suiting their needs, etc. In a marriage that is already official, this may look more like withholding affection and attention in order to give their spouse a sense of desperation to give them their way. In a marriage that is ending, it may arise as promises to cooperate on certain issues if the other spouse makes huge sacrifices in other areas. For example, one spouse might hint at getting back together with their spouse if they agree to come to their divorce attorney’s office for a negotiation, or promise to be fair during the child custody portion of the divorce if their spouse agrees to surrender the family home.

Anyone who is aware that they are susceptible to manipulation needs to be on guard throughout the entire divorce process. A manipulative spouse likely won’t have a hard time finding an equally manipulative attorney in Arizona or any other state in the country. Hiring your own attorney who isn’t afraid to back down from a challenge and try innovative strategies to deal with difficult opposition will make the divorce process less challenging. If you’re looking for an Arizona divorce lawyer who knows how to deal with toxic and manipulative exes, call 480-470-1504 to schedule your free consultation with My AZ Lawyers today.

Don’t Want A Breadcrumbing Dynamic To Extend Into Divorce? Contact My AZ Lawyers For Your Free Consultation.

There is nothing wrong with being someone who wants to make their partner happy and tries their best to see the positive in a situation. But a manipulative spouse may turn that against you and use breadcrumbing as a strategy to achieve an unfair divorce resolution. At the offices of My AZ Lawyers, we have seen countless spouses assume they can steamroll their exes in divorce because of how things went during the marriage. In these situations, it’s best to retain an attorney who is confident in their knowledge of the Arizona law office and their negotiation skills, even with ruthless opposing counsel. Let our legal team fight to make sure your divorce is fair and as peaceful for your family as possible. Get started today with your free consultation by phone- call 480-470-1504.